Who Reviews The Coming of the Terraphiles by DJ Forrest

Written by Michael Moorcock

Published by BBC Books in 2010

Michael Moorcock is a prolific writer of more than 80 works of fiction and non fiction, and the creator of such characters as Elric, Jerry Cornelius and Colonel Pyat. He became editor of the Tarzan Adventures at the age of 16 and later edited The Sexton Blake Library and the controversial and ground breaking UK science fiction magazine New Worlds. In 2008, Michael Moorcock was named one of the ’50 greatest British writers since 1945’ by The Times and now lives in Texas.

So, that being said, Michael knows his way around the sci fi world. I had nothing to worry about. I could open this book and know that I’d see the Doctor bounding into the story from the get go. I’d have a ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ story and be done in a week.

Yeah…

Except, I wasn’t. I’m still seated. I’m waiting for the action to kick off, and I’m already at the end of Chapter 4 and I’m bored now. The Doctor has appeared only a few times but only from the distance, or introducing himself to Bingo Locksley, once, as part of the Re-enactment team, and once seated at the foot of Locksley’s bed, in a manner that seemed as if he were asking if he could blow his own nose. The Doctor had more of a lesser presence than the other main characters. The build up to the story seemed to take in Bingo and the Mr and Mrs B-Cannon and her family and his, and their pets and their possessions than anything else listed.

Put it this way. After the film I, Robot, I got into Isaac Asimov, and I forced myself to read one of the Foundation novels. As much as some of the stuff was way over my head, the dialogue was there, the story was there, and the characters were interesting enough that I continued reading till the end, because I wanted to find out what happened to the characters  and learn a bit more about sci fi. However, it’s a hard read. It’s mathematics – not my strong point – but there was enough to keep you turning the pages.

This book is like trying to fathom the Rubik’s cube, knowing you have at least achieved three sides but can’t get how you need to achieve the completed cube, and in your frustration, you heave it across the room. As a lover of books – I’m not throwing this anywhere – other than into the box for Sale items at next Boot Sale.

From what I’ve managed to glean from the 4 chapters I’ve struggled through – and believe me – Moorcock’s 4 chapters would be about half way through a regular Who novel, so you’d expect by now to know who, what and indeed where this is going by now, rather than just what and why, am I still punishing myself?

There is an Arrow Trophy which is worth it’s weight in gold and is the prize for the winner of the Re-enactment games. It has a deep history and has to be kept under lock and key in case of pirates. The pirates began this story in the first chapter, and for a high seas adventure, you could quite possibly get into it for that reason, except that at the end of that chapter it mentioned The Doctor.

Second chapter mentions The Doctor, but in a slow manner of worrying about an email he’s just received, which reminded me of Jim Carrey playing God and reading a list of praying emails from people across the world.

There’s something about Antimatter Men which feels as if there should be a joke in there somewhere.

There’s a hat that was stolen, but not by Bingo, as was initially planned, and somewhere in the story, a body is found. Whose, is anyone’s guess, and the pirates make a return somewhere I think, possibly, who cares!

If you’re looking for a ‘fly by the seat of your pants’ action story, or if you’re looking for the usual conventional Doctor Who story, by any of the 12 Doctors we’ve had thus far, this isn’t for you.

If it picks up in the middle of this novel then, perhaps I should read on and find out – but so far, nothing is engaging me with any of the characters, and I feel as if I’m missing out on so much in my life.

This has to be the first time I’ve ever given a negative review to a novel. Film, yes, television series, possibly, but a book?

I have tried, believe me, to get through this novel but have conceded defeat. I’m sorry Michael, but regardless to how many books you’ve written, your style is just not for me. Perhaps if it were written without the Doctor, it might stand a better chance of working, but it’s as if the Doctor is playing second fiddle to the rest of the characters and ideally shouldn’t be in it at all.

It was like I was waiting for Steven Segal to reappear in Executive Decision. You get to the point when you realise that it ain’t going to happen.